According to USA Today, you can now officially rent some goats from Amazon.com. They will graze and clean up your lawn in a way you’ve never experienced before.
But what if that’s not all you could do with the little adorable creatures? Sure, Amazon wants to give you a highly controlled landscaping experience, but who would know if you just snuck your baby goat out for a few hours of fun?
Let’s close our eyes and imagine…
Take your goat to the park.
What could possibly be more fun than showing up at the park with a baby goat? Bonus points if you take it to the local dog park and cause a ruckus.
Image: Shutterstock
Clean your hoarder house.
If you didn’t already know, goats will eat practically anything. Let one loose inside your hoarder house and you won’t need to call Matt Paxton at Clutter Cleaner.
Image: Shutterstock
Hug and cuddle your goat (but not too much).
Who wouldn’t want to hug and cuddle an adorable baby goat all day, right? Well, feel free to indulge, but don’t let it linger for too long lest things get a bit…awkward.
Image: Shutterstock
Bring your goat to work.
Sure, bring your kids to work day is a big deal, but can you imagine the reaction you’d get if you brought your goat to work?
Actually bringing a baby goat to work would actually be bringing your kid to work, wouldn’t it?
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Try to find a date.
We all know the trick that guys use to pick up girls. They tuck an adorable puppy under their arm, head to the park, and let the ladies start flocking.
Now take that scenario and turn it up about 50 notches by tucking a baby goat under your arm. Game, set, match.
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Exchange headbutts.
Goats are know for their penchant to headbutt just about anything in their path. Take turns headbutting each other into an adorable, blissful euphoria.
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Bring your goat to a children’s birthday party.
Want to see a roomful of kids go crazy? Walk into the local Chuck E. Cheese with your baby goat and I guarantee it’ll happen.
What’s that? You don’t know any kids? Just show up to some random party and pretend they hired you!
Just remember to Purell the living hell out of that goat afterward. Kids are tiny germ factories.
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Get revenge on your enemies.
See someone you don’t like standing on the street corner? Grab your goat, sneak up on them, and let little Billy take a bite out of their backside. Sweet, sweet revenge.
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Stock up on milk.
Were you lucky enough to score a dairy goat? If so, milk that goat until it’s bone dry!
You can even put it in some plastic container and freeze it for up to a month. Yum!
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Selfie time!
You know all those selfies you’re always posting on Instagram? Imagine how many more “Likes” you’ll get if there’s a goat in the picture! Say cheese…
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Take your goat for a walk near the cliffs.
We all know how much goats love to stand on things. Cows, cars, people, and especially really steep cliffs.
Get your goat out into nature and let him do some crazy cliff standing like he was born to do!
Image: Shutterstock
Just stare into your goat’s rectangular pupils for hours.
If you didn’t already know, goats have weird rectangular pupils. Not only are they absolutely beautiful, but they’re totally mesmerizing.
Staring contest!
Image: Scott Neumyer
Bleating contest!
Goats are known for their ability to bark, yell, and bleat loudly. But can they do it louder than you? A bleating contest should settle the score!
Bonus points if you film this and put it on YouTube.
Image: Shutterstock
Take your goat for a ride in the convertible.
I can’t imagine anything more enjoyable than cruising down the street in my drop-top with a baby goat strapped into the seat next to me. Can you?
If you don’t have a convertible, feel free to let Billy stick his tiny goat head out of your sunroof (or just out the side window like a puppy).
Image: Shutterstock
Just love your goat like a goat should be loved.
Goats are made for loving. They’re super cute and cuddly and probably the most lovable thing ever created. So, seriously, just spend your day loving the living crap out of that thing.
Image: Shutterstock
Just think: This could be the greatest day of your life! Ahhh…
*Disclaimer: We don’t actually recommend you do any of these things. We’re not even sure you could do these things with Amazon Goats, but… Oh, screw it. If you can do these things, do them!
from 22 Words http://ift.tt/1OP3M5V
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